The story about two wolves that has shaped my life

When I was growing up, I came across this story of two wolves. An old Native American parable. It was the first time I read a motivational story. It completely changed my way of thinking. This is a story about freedom of choice. It allowed me to see that I can literally shape the way I want to feel. Something I’ve not thought of before, obviously, since I was a kid.

An old Cherokee is teaching his grandson about life. “A fight is going on inside me,” he said to the boy. “It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil — he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.”

He continued, “The other is good — he is joy, peace, love, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The same fight is going on inside you — and inside every other person too.”

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, “Which wolf will win?”

The old Cherokee simply replied. “The one you feed.”

One wolf can’t live without the other. Like hot and cold. Day and night. Good and evil. Yin and yang. In order to be while, it’s important to feed the good wolf, but it’s as important not to push down the negative emotions from the bad wolf. Feel them, know they’re there, and let them go.

It’s easy to feel like a victim in a challenging situation. We want to understand our negative thoughts, so we blame on other people, events or objects. We look outward to try to make sense of what’s going on inside of us. We do this all the time. Why? It’s our way of coping, and feeling more in control of uncontrollable situations.

The problem with this approach, however, is that it takes away our personal responsibility and freedom of choice. By faulting others for our own experience we actually strip ourselves of our own power. That power is lost the moment we become dependent on other people or things to make us feel a certain way. Whether that feeling is positive or negative, we are no longer taking sole responsibility for our own emotions.

By exercising freedom of choice, you can make a life-changing decision of which wolf you want to feed. Do you feed the the wolf who is hungry for anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, lies, false pride, ego? The evil wolf is also your inner critic. The one that says you’re a failure. This wolf is a representation of your depression, low self-esteem, your anxiety. Do you want to feed this wolf? Are you already feeding him?

By cutting off the food supply to the evil wolf, you made a choice to use your energy on thoughts, feelings and emotions that serve you in a healthy way. While it’s important to recognize the negative emotion within you, you don’t have to attach to it or give it attention. The shift in your focus is a sign to that wolf that you are not interested in giving food to. While it may take some time for the evil wolf to lose strength, eventually he will surrender. Once you stop fixating on the negative thoughts, they will eventually just drift away.

As for the good wolf, he certainly isn’t going to feed himself. Just as you would with the evil wolf, you need to exercise your freedom of choice and decide to nourish the wolf of joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith. We often look to eternal objects for our fulfillment and happiness. We develop expectations that things like a new job, relationship, a vacation, brand new pair of shoes etc. will finally make us feel the way we want to feel. While it may bring temporary gratification, it isn’t realistic to maintain this long-term.

True happiness comes from making an active choice to be happy, rather than depending on external things to make you happy. The more we seek out happiness, look for it as if it were some sort of treasure we will find, the less we are feeding the wolf inside of us. You’re already whole, you have everything you need to be happy right now. The feeling of happiness comes from feeding the wolf from within. As he becomes bigger and stronger, he will be better equipped to handle the challenges life throws at you. The good wolf will always win.